Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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