remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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