my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
