dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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