im drinking this country out of the recession.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
