Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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