Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
