thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
