oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
