Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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