Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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