I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
