my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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