I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
