I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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