I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
