There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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