eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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