i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
