i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
