had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
