If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
