Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
