I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
