i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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