Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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