she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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