I bet he comes in French.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
