She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
