If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
