Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
