So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
