I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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