remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
