Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair

Fav 36 4970 1763
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(336): View more from North Carolina

This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.

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(314): View more from Missouri

You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

Fav 13 1915 4748
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(480): View more from Arizona

Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..

Fav 5 3205 1830
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(269): View more from Michigan

Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome

Fav 4 1646 1011
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(212): View more from New York

How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?

Fav 6 804 644
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(913): View more from Kansas

Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?

Fav 3 37 60
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(575): View more from New Mexico

wait you like me?? for my personality??

(1-575): View more from New Mexico

I know I was surprised too

Fav 0 95 9
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