Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
