She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
