my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
