Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
