Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
