you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
