dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
