This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
