Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
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Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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