I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Vodka?
Forever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
