why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My balls are so social today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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