Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
