I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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