Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
