I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
