The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize