Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
