Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
