All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
