Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize