its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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