a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
