u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
