Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
