quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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