you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
