I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
