I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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