first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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